When it comes to canines, I have a lot of things I judge for a given dog’s merit. One thing I always “joke” about (or maybe I am not) is how effective a dog would be in saving someone’s life in a fire.
On a scale of one to five 
, with one meaning the dog would leave you to die and five meaning the dog would heroically pull you out of the scorching inferno and revive you with their puppy breath, it’s time I gave the two dogs I live with their respective ratings.
Fresh from his grooming, there is Tramper, the Yorkie.
- He is an old puppy at 12+ years of age.
- He is a lapdog by the definition.
- Can be deceptively adorable and gives the sad-pathetic-puppy-dog eye stare with his tongue jutting out.
- Extremely loyal to “his mommy.”
- Super bossy and likes to “bully” people for treats.
- Frightened by the treadmill.
- Very yappy.
- Can hold grudges with people who bother him.
- Has a habit of bringing his kibble to the living room and dropping it on the floor to get “credit” for a treat.
- Doesn’t take crap from other animals, but is easily intimidated by a human scolding him.
Well, it is clear that there is no way Tramper could pull your unconscious body out of a burning house. I have concluded that Tramper would probably panic if he realized the house was burning up and would end up waking you up so you can save him.
In other words, Tramper could in fact “rescue” you indirectly, but he would be doing it for his own sake. So it would be the ideal result of you walking away from your burning home in one piece, but it would be for the wrong reason.
Final Rating: (Pass.)
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Then we have The Pride of Australia herself – Zoey, the Australian Terrier.
- Smelly (I have a weak sense of smell, and I CAN SMELL HER).
- Obsessed with food. Tends to eat kibble when you are cooking.
- Lacks empathy and can be very oblivious (you could probably be on the ground writhing in pain, and she probably would not even realize it).
- Not the brightest crayon in the box.
- Gets jealous when other animals in the house receive attention.
- Sneezes when excited. Super gross.
- Loud and noisy. Barks at anything in the front yard.
- Lacks discipline and has a hard time understanding “punishment” when scolded.
- Pudgy puppy.
- Main saving grace – is extremely nice. I do not think she is smart enough to know how to be mean.
Zoey is a “special” dog. Her breed is supposed to be very intelligent, but Zoey … is … well, she is very friendly. But being friendly does not save lives from fires.
I think Zoey would end up acknowledging a fire in the house, but only after a long while of realizing that food is not being made. The best thing you can do is hope that Zoey barks at the fire to wake you up. I cannot foresee Zoey even attempting to drag a body out with her teeth because that would require courage and some smarts (she is a bit of a diva dog to be honest).
Basically, Zoey would not really have your back in a fire. She is a nice dog, however, for what it’s worth.
Final Rating: (Not a complete failure, but it still does not bode well with me.)
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So yeah, I am pretty sure the dogs I live with would not bring their A-game if the house caught on fire for some reason. I would have better luck calling for Superman or something.
Oh well, Tramper and Zoey can be cute. So I guess it is OK.
Filed under: Pham Fact, Rant Tagged: Animals, Arson, Breed, Cute, Dogs, Fire, House, Opinion, Pets, Puppies, Rant, Writing
